RAW Report 8/8/11 Laurinaitis Takes One To The Head

RAW this week starts with Triple H out to the ring. His suit still looks ill-fitting! Man needs a good tailor. He says in six night it will be one of the most historic in the WWE. The entire landscape of this business changes. The WWE Champ, Cena, against the WWE Champ CM Punk. Change has been a big thing here lately, right? In a month we went from no Champ with VKM in charge to Trip in charge with two Champ. There will be one match and one undisputed winner and WWE Champ. The tricky part, the undisputed part comes to him, the COO. How do you guarantee there will be one Champ? You empower someone who has the power. Someone who’s authority will be absolute. He’s larger than life. He casts a shadow over Cena and Punk, over the entire WWE. That man is Trip. Right now he’s about the only one he can trust around there. He will stand in the ring and officiate the match. He’ll call it as he sees it. When the dust settles there will be one undisputed WWE Champ. As for tonight, there will be the official contract signing between Cena and Punk. Before that they’ll each face individual competition tonight. Cena’s match will be right now.

Cena to the ring and talks constantly to Trip off mic, saying that Trip being there is all about Trip’s ego. Cena kept going on and on to Trip.

– Commercial

Cena vs. Swagger

Swagger out to the ring and then the camera replays what Cena said to Trip about the Title and the fans. Trip says what happens in the ring is what Trip wants to happen.

Swagger takes Cena down, Swagger dances around and eats a clothesline. Swagger whipped, then taken down on the mat. Chinlock on Swagger. Dueling chants for Cena. Shoulder block drops Swagger. Swagger whipped, the a clothesline in the corner. Sweet drop kick from Cena takes Swagger down for two. Chinlock on Swagger, but Swagger comes back with a belly-to-belly on Cena. Swagger on Cena with blows. Cena whipped, then Swagger splashes Cena on the mat. Double arm chicken wing on Cena who struggles and says something to Swagger. Cena takes Swagger down after calling the move.

Swagger in a corner, but moves to avoid Cena’s splash. Shoulder block to Cena for two. Arm lock on Cena in the center of the mat. Cena to his feet, but takes a knee to the gut. Cena whipped and hits the mat. Swagger with a glancing blow to Cena’s knee. Swagger celebrates. Swagger tries for his ankle lock, but Cena reverses. Cena tries to set up something, but is kicked off by Swagger. Shoulder blocks, then spine buster on Swagger. Five knuckle shuffle and Cole says it’s ‘vintage’. Cena gets Swagger up, hits his AA and it’s over.

Winner – Cena

– Commercial

SummerSlam Recall – SS 1991 – Mr. Perfect versus Bret Hart. At one point Perfect seems to send Hart flying from the ring and onto what looked like VKM. Hart kicked out of Perfect’s finisher. Sharpshooter and Perfect tagged out so Bret won the IC Title.

Backstage Stanford was there to talk to ADR. Ricardo announces him. Punk says he’s the voice of the voiceless, but he’s the voice of the coward. He fled ADR, but tonight ADR will show Punk how it is, ending by calling Punk a coward again.

Video of R-Truth and JoMo four months ago. That’s when JoMo suffered his neck injury.

Backstage R-Truth says he’s a good R-Truth. Josh asks why would R-Truth take advantage of his friend? R-Truth goes off with a dozen, “Why?” He talks about hotdogs and buns not matching up. Why did God create spiders? They have nasty creepy legs and are quiet until the bite. The fans are yelling ‘WHAT?’ at R-Truth, so he screeches, “Stop what-ing me!” R-Truth says his grandmother used to get carrots, potatoes and one big old turtle and make spider stew! Only person who’d eat the spider stew was Little Jimmy! Tonight he’s going to grab a spider and squish it on the mat. That spider is JoMo.

– Commercial

Miz vs. Rey

As Rey comes out to the stage, Miz attacks from behind. Miz keeps beating Rey down, slamming him into the base of the W on the stage. Even getting away from the refs and kneeing Rey in the head.

Miz stalks to the ring, Cole up to meet Miz in there. The refs get Rey up and out. Cole says that was an amazing display of audacity out there. Miz agrees, but asks if Cole knows who he’s facing at SS? Cole says he doesn’t. Miz doesn’t either. He’s the most must see Superstar, but he’s not being pushed the way he should be. He wants the attention he deserves. He demands a ref to come out, say Rey forfeited and Miz wins the match. The ref talks to Justin. He says according to the COO, Miz will be in a new match.

Kofi Kingston vs. Miz

Cole is pissed about Miz’s treatment by Trip. Kofi is very careful posing, not turning his back fully on Miz.

They lock up, Kofi backed into a corner. Miz with a wide blow, but Kofi comes back chain wrestling. Miz gets a side headlock on Kofi, then shoulder blocks him. Miz runs the ropes right into Kofi’s drop kick for two. Kofi backed into a corner, then Miz pokes him in the eye. Miz stomps Kofi in a corner. Cole and JR going back and forth about the Kid’s Choice Awards and how JR said they’re past his bedtime. Cole says they’re on earlier than RAW. JR says he took a nap. Little milk, skim milk, cookies, diet cookies, and some BBQ sauce! Cole sputtered a bit.

Miz rushes Kofi in a corner, but eats a Thesz press! Kofi clotheslines Miz from the ring, then flew out in a suicide dive.

– Commercial

Chinlock on Kofi on the mat. Miz stopped Kofi’s momentum during the commercial. Miz runs the ropes and manages to grab Miz twice and take him down. Kofi into a corner and Miz rocked Kofi’s world. Miz up top and comes down with a double axe handle. Chinlock on Kofi on the mat. Kofi starts fighting back and manages to hit Miz and roll him up for two. Drop kick to Miz. Miz hit a backbreaker but Kofi gets free and hits a springboard cross body. DDT to Kofi and Miz pins for two.

Miz rushes Kofi in a corner, but eats a foot. Kofi up top, Miz climbs as he punches on Kofi. Both to their feet up there. Kofi blocks the superplex and takes Miz down hard from up top for two. Kofi misses trouble in paradise, then slams back on Miz in a corner. Miz comes back and hits his SCF for three.

Winner – Miz

Miz celebrates on the stage as Kofi lolls on the mat.

Backstage Punk is approached by Josh. What does Punk think of Trip naming himself ref? Trip has a huge ego like VKM. This match is epic, but Trip’s ego won’t keep him out of it. What’s good for business is Punk kicking ADR’s teeth in. ADR says we’ll see what would have happened at MITB? They sure will see what would have happened at MITB!

– Commercial

Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Ricardo announces ADR who comes out in a 2010 Audi R8. “CM Punk” chants start even before his music starts.

They lock up and muscle around, Punk takes ADR down. ADR back with a kick to Punk’s knee, then stomps Punk in a corner. Arm bar on Punk as the fans are behind Punk. Punk counters and takes ADR down hard. Shoulder blocks to ADR in a corner. ADR whipped, but moves and Punk’s shoulder hits the post. ADR out and pulls on the arm. ADR in and nails his favorite arm breaker on Punk. Arm bar on Punk on the mat. Punk up and kicks ADR in the knee. Sunset flip from Punk doesn’t take ADR down and ADR uses that to stomp Punk’s arm ADR rushes Punk. Punk sidesteps ADR who slides out through the ropes cleanly. Beautiful swinging neck breaker from Punk. Knees to ADR’s face. ADR whipped, then eats a high knee. Running bulldog from Punk and the fans are loving it. Punk off the top rope with a big clothesline on ADR. ADR up for the GTS, but ADR wiggles out and ends up back in the corner, shoulder first. Back stabber on Punk and ADR is in control. Punk reverses out of ADR’s finisher and is able to hit his GTS on ADR for three.

Winner – Punk

Punk was all smiles after the match was finished. Video of the high points of the match. Punk sits in the center of the ring, strap in hand, gaining his breath, just chilling. Punk up for more posing and yelling.

– Commercial

Recap of last week Divas Battle Royal and how Beth eliminated the Bellas. Then she further attacked Kelly and turned full on heel.

Beth vs. Eve

Beth out in a black jumpsuit with yellow and red flames. Eve out in green and silver.

They lock up. Arm bar on Beth, but one hand under Eve’s chin stopped that. Eve rolled over Beth’s back, then hit a lovely drop kick. Eve elevated over the top, then knocked off the apron. Beth slams Eve into the barrier, then drags Eve by the hair into the ring. Beth gets two in the center of the ring with very little noise from the fans. Beth picks up Eve by her hair and slams Eve back on the mat. Then does it a second time. Elbow to the gut and Beth pins for two. Eve badly reverses out of Beth’s hands, finally kicks Beth in the head, then over sells her face hitting a corner. Eve off the corner with a kick to Beth’s face.

Eve climbs and lines up her feet on the top rope. Beth up and swings a double axe handle that never touches Eve’s leg, but she sells it. Beth pulls Eve off the top and hits a glam slam on Eve for three.

Winner – Beth

Beth grabs a mic and says she doesn’t like her and Kelly making a mockery of the Divas Division. No more booty popping. No more splits. Not more stink faces. Beth stalks off out of the ring, still holding the mic. Beth says she’d been meaning to ask Eve one question – Kelly out and attacks Beth from behind. Kelly into the ring to check on Eve and hold her Title belt high. First time I haven’t seen Kelly all smiles!

– Commercial

Video of the Teen Choice Awards. Miz was there, as was Cena. Beiber waved his hand in front of his own face. Cena thought he could take Beiber. They then presented to Glee. Cena’s a huge Glee fan. Cena rips on himself for hit ever-changing colored shirts and his jorts.

Dolph w/ Vickie vs. Riley

Dolph and Vickie both stomped out to the ring looking rather pissed (but not terribly injured). Riley out with a slow smile. Vickie up in Riley’s face. He grabs a mic and rips on Vickie’s breath saying it smells like death itself took a crap in her mouth. She goes crazy.

Huge running clothesline on Dolph for two while Vickie screeches from the apron. Dolph stomps Riley in a corner. Back elbow to Dolph, then Dolph tries for a sleeper. Vickie pulls the rope from Riley. Riley slams Dolph back in a corner. Huge spine buster on Dolph and Vickie into the ring screeching at Riley. Vickie bitch slaps Riley and the ref calls for the bell.

Winner – Riley via DQ

Vickie still screeching as Dolph yells at her for costing him the match. Riley hits Dolph who lightly runs into Vickie so she also hit’s the mat. Riley leaves and the other two continue to yell. Vickie waves goodbye and leaves the ring. She screeched about having it with Dolph, then more screeching. Each thinks the other needs them!

– Commercial

Recap to MITB, narrated by one of those voices we all know, but can’t place. The hometown hero was loved, Cena was loathed. This was a war for the very should of the company. As the clocked ticked toward midnight, the challenger went on. VKM called for the bell, but Cena took out Laurinaitis and told VKM no that way. Cena eats a GTS and Punk is Champ. This travesty would start a chain reaction shaking WWE to its core. Trip released VKM and took over. Cena wins the WWE Title, until the prodigal Champ returned. There’s two WWE Champions. They’re settling it Trip’s way at SS. They’ll battle to see who’s the Undisputed WWE Champion.

Cole, King and JR run through the matches slated for SummerSlam.

R-Truth out to his lack of music.

– Commercial

R-Truth vs. JoMo

R-Truth is pacing when the show returns from commercial. He really spent that time getting the crowd hot! Knee to JoMo, then they exchange blows. JoMo with a couple big clotheslines, then a back kick. JoMo hit that wild spinning slam on R-Truth for two. R-Truth is slammed to the mat and JoMo on hit with blows. R-Truth rolls out to regroup. JoMo runs, dives over the top of the corner with a corkscrew onto R-Truth! R-Truth rolls in and rolls out again. JoMo rolls out and sends R-Truth in the barrier. Smack from JoMo on R-Truth. JoMo heaved over the barrier. Blows on R-Truth. JoMo stands atop the barrier and R-Truth pulls one of his legs out so JoMo lands shoulders/neck on the top of the barrier. They make it back in at nine.

R-Truth pins JoMo in the ring for two. R-Truth slams JoMo to the mat. R-Truth goes after JoMo’s neck, but JoMo holds onto the ropes and R-Truth falls flat. R-Truth whipped, but he comes out and slams JoMo on his neck to the mat. R-Truth gets three for it.

Winner – R-Truth

Video recap of the moves that could have hurt JoMo. The announcers talk up JoMo’s injured neck. R-Truth leaves ringside looking all over the place and looking totally tweaked out.

– Commercial

This weeks poll comes out with the same numbers they had last week, though this one was who should win?

Cole asks Christian what’s up? Christian on the tron playing uber heel. He has an announcement on Smackdown and Trip will want to hear what Christian has to say, in person.

Trip is in the ring with Laurinaitis for the Undisputed WWE Championship Match. Punk out to that perfect music of his! So glad the WWE was able to use it as it’s so perfect! Punk poses in a corner, then stands back away from Trip and Laurinaitis in a corner. Cena out in his usual way, all smiles! Laurinaitis keeps a close eye on Cena so he won’t get decked again. Punk’s belt is so much better looking than Cena’s.

Trip is ready to cut to the chase, but Punk says we all know where they’re going with this. This is all show. When was the last time they had one of these without horrible physical calamity. So they flip the table and get it over with, or make it somewhat entertaining. Punk says he feels like he’s showing a move. There’s a bit from a star talking about how Punk feels. It’s not Trip from the Chaperone. Trip smirks. Trip asks how Punk’s movie went? Punk says, Straight to DVD, just like your’s!” But this is from an actual movie start saying how Punk feels about Cena.

It’s Rocky! He says this is why Cena’s angry. It’s the same every night. He’s in the locker room putting on his shoes, his tough guys shorts that haven’t been worn since 1992, but that’s okay. Then, putting on his red wristbands up here. Says, you can’t see me. He looks like a bloated transvestite Wonder Woman. Rocky sound effect. Then it gets worse! Cena’s music hits. Rocky hums the music, then talks about Cena taking everything off for the fans. Then quiet and Cena knows it’s coming, “Let’s go Cena” “Cena SUCKS!” Even in Cena’s hometown of Boston boos him. Why? Rocky’s a man, representing many men who don’t like Cena because they can see through bull$h!t. we smell the phony punk a mile away. The fans love this!

Punk says the only thing he sees wrong is that they’re not saying, “Cena sucks” they’re saying, “CM Punk!” Cena gets the jist, right. Punk thanks Rocky from sending it through FB. Calling Cena a phony and Rocky’s a big phony too. He doesn’t want Rocky saying mean things about him. So Punk will sign.

Cena says it’s entertainment. Rocky’s done it all. He’s working on GI Joe as they speak. With all Rocky’s success, he shouldn’t be mad about anything. But he sees Cena and flips out. His jorts are out of style. Punk says he didn’t show the clip for Cena to go after the Rock. Punk thinks Cena’s too PG. the modern day Hogan, took the hand from the ear and put it in front of his face. Rock is a star and has his ‘millions’. He can battle Rock, but won’t win over the ‘millions’. Punk has his fans. No matter what he does, raise his work rate, add to his five moves of doom, let his heel side show through. Cena say he’ll never win over those people. A few weeks back Punk said Cena’s like the Yankees. At first that pissed Cena off, then he thought about it. They’re the most hated, move loved team the mange gets a response. Punk was right. There’s so many that hate him. Huge heat from the fans. When Cena’s music plays and he runs out, it’s like the pinstripes and fans ooze hate. He’s not concerned with people wearing the color. He cares about the people who haven’t wavered, stuck by him through thick and thin. Those are the people he cares about. He gets some cheer for this. There’s nothing phony about that. Punk speaks his mind, throws stones and lives in a glass house. Punk wanted so much, the jet, the cups, the ice cream bars. Punk agrees off mic about the ice cream bars with a HUGE smile. Now Punk’s trying to come back as the underground voice of the voiceless. “Look in a mirror, Punk.”

Trip says Cena has the fire, but a good point, but all Punk held out for was more money and perks. Then he couldn’t negotiate in person, did it on the phone!

Punk gets into it who does the firing. Did Trip or Laurinaitis fire Koz last week. Fly to Florida to tell Harry – yes, that’s his name, not David Hart Smith. What about masters who’s worked so hard for this company? Did Trip fire him in person? Kid, it’s a budget thing, best of luck in you’re future endeavors. Trip had Laurinaitis do his dirty work? HUGE “CM Punk!” chants.

This is about Punk and Cena. Cena is on a pedestle looks all noble after opportunity after opportunity and looks down on everyone, down on Punk. A number of years ago Punk won the ECW Title. Cena hadn’t said a word to Punk prior to that. The next day Cena clapped Punk on the back, said “congratulations Champ. I almost gave up on you.” Punk says he holds grudges and has a sour taste in his mouth because he almost gave up on Punk? Cena sold out when he moves to Cali to become a body builder, but then became a sports entertainer because he couldn’t hack it. Punk’s been a wrestler from word one. Yes, he held up the WWE for some perks. Does he want an ice cream bar with Punk’s name on it? Damn right! Cena’s the lion, Punk’s the hyena and has to fight for his share. Yeah, he held everyone up for the opportunities Cena was given. He wouldn’t pass them up! No one would! Seven years ago in LA, Cena walked in and won his first Title. Congratulations. This Sunday Cena’s walking into LA, but walking out with nothing. Walking out with NOTHING! Cena will be the big star the next day. He’ll have Marine 4, his fight with Dwayne, his legions of fans who will pee in their PJ’s when they think of Cena. Won’t be WWE Champion. Because the WWE Champion will be Punk.

HUGE “CM Punk!!!!” chants.

Cena tells Punk it’s a fine speech. Does Punk know the pressure on Punk this weekend? Punk beat Cena once in Chicago. What happens if Punk just might lose at SS. Punk’s diatribe about Cena and Rocky, that’s true. Punk needs this match, needs it more than anyone else. If Punk doesn’t back up his pipe bomb. If Punk can’t do it, he’s a very loud one hit wonder. Known as Buster Douglas, Yahoo Serious, Milli – who’s the other guy – Vanillie. If Punk doesn’t win this Sunday, gone (snap) just like that. Good luck.

Punk says luck is for losers. He’d rather be a one hit wonder than a phony. Cena says they’ve been talking for quite a while and Punk came out to entertain, right. Cena has a feeling the talking thing is wearing a bit thin. Punk says he can kick Cena’s teeth in. There’s goes the straps, the table flies and they’re face to face. Laurinaitis gets between them and eats a big kick to the back of Laurinaitis’ head. Trip steps in to push Punk back, but gets a forearm to his upper back from Cena. Punk leaves the ring, then yells in about Trip and the fix being in.

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